It is worth starting with the fact that most people have a disease that is much more dangerous and insidious than drug or alcohol addiction. And this disease is codependency. The essence of codependency is very similar to the essence of alcoholism and drug addiction, but it is much more difficult to treat. It is important to note that this disease affects the same areas of life as chemical addiction, and even has the same concept. But the worst thing about codependency is its invisibility. Alcoholism or drug addiction sooner or later manifest themselves, and a codependent person may never know the reasons for their emotional torment and physical illnesses, as well as the fact that this disease can lead to death.
The very etymology of the term “codependency” is quite clear: co – joint, dependence – loss of freedom. And as in the case of drug and alcohol addicts who lose freedom because of their addiction, so relatives or friends depend on a person addicted to these drugs. All people who are in direct contact with a chemically dependent person for more than six months are codependent. A codependent is attached to the feelings, thoughts and actions of another person – he is completely subject to the person controlling him.
Let’s give a simple example: a drug-addicted son comes to his mother and asks for money to get rid of the “withdrawal” or tells some heart-rending story, the end of which is a request for some money; the mother understands that the money will most likely be spent on drugs. The son throws himself at your feet and says: “Mommy, darling, I beg you, I really need money! This is the last time! I feel very bad! I’m dying! I understand that you are tired of all this! I can’t do this anymore either! This is the last time, and tomorrow I will go to a drug treatment center to undergo drug addiction treatment.”
The mother has heard these promises many times, but she cannot bear the suffering of the person closest to her, and, realizing that she is giving money for poison, she still opens her wallet and hands him the amount he needs. She also understands that her son is not going to go to any drug treatment center, and this situation will repeat itself again and, most likely, many times… However, she still has hope and does not want to admit the bitter truth. She does not want to understand what will be best for her son in the current situation. And the right thing to do would be not to indulge his desires, not to participate in the deal to purchase drugs.
Of course, if she doesn’t give him the money, he’ll get it anyway, and most likely, he’ll do it by criminal means. Yes, there’s a good chance that this will lead to serious consequences. But let it be so! Because this may be the only way to show him what the consequences of his addiction are, and maybe he’ll think about his own life. There’s a chance that the withdrawal will bring him to his senses, and he’ll undergo drug addiction treatment.
Основная проблема созависимости, препятствующая ее излечению – это не просто отрицание присутствия заболевания, а отрицание существования такой проблемы в принципе. Созависимый, как правило, рассуждает таким образом: «Кто нуждается в помощи? Я?! Он беспробудно пьет/употребляет наркотики, а я должен лечиться?!»
But such people do not try to think about the fact that if they put someone above themselves, forgetting about themselves, then they simply become dependent on the emotional and physical state of such people. And if everything is exactly like that, then it turns out that not everything is good in their lives either. But the main misconception of codependents is that in the process of playing saviors, they contribute to the deterioration of the drug addict or alcoholic’s condition, because they cannot distinguish where help is provided to a loved one, and where the addiction is “fed”.